When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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