I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize