I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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