I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
how drunk are you?
Several
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize