The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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