I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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