I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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