Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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