I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
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