Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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