i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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