go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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