There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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