My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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