You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize