Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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