so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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