I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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