DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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