Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize