I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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