dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize