The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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