What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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