I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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