I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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