I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize