I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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