i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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