Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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