i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize