the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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