You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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