Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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