home. puking in laundry basket.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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