well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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