if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I die, sorry about rent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize