Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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