so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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