you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize