are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize