So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
is it fun? or sober?
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