when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize