Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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