Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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