Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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