I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize