when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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