Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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