her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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